Angels Walk Among Us: A Reflection on Death and Dignity

Angels walk among us

Posted on December 18, 2020 by Editor

I can remember the day that I found out that I was pregnant. I rushed to Target and purchased the book, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” There’s nothing more beautiful than the miracle of life. However, I recently found myself in an unexpected role which made me question why we don’t view the end of life with the same dignity. Why does mortality seem to scare us so much? Is it because we associate suffering with death, or is it unfathomable to imagine what will be the circumstance, diagnosis or tragedy that finalizes our time on earth?

When someone we love dies there’s a part of ourselves that leaves with them. It isn’t something that we can fully prepare for, but we can approach death from an awakened state, where the duality of pain and love can exist. Perhaps, the idea of death frightens us because we must find our true self acceptance. This is when we must come to terms with our relationships and all the choices that we’ve made. Death reveals everything that is unresolved, unfinished or unexpressed. It forces us to release all of our physical and emotional attachments. Doesn’t it seem ironic that death actually teaches us how to live more fully?

When I told my mother in law’s doctor that we would be bringing Catherine home on hospice, he said, “I’m so proud of you. When it is at all possible, human beings need to be surrounded by their loved ones.”

He added, “If we spent more time embracing death the way that we honor birth, then we would have a deeper appreciation for life and one another.”

We brought Catherine home. We were nervous and I felt ill-prepared. I wondered if there was some handbook to answer all of my questions. No sooner did I raise the question when I got a call from a hospice nurse. She acknowledged our bravery and promised that there would be many gifts associated with the end of life process.

My voice cracked when I said, “I hope we can do this.” She assured me that we weren’t alone and hospice would be available to visit or answer questions 24 hours a day. She mentioned that it would be a good idea to go through the hospice booklets that address death and dying. I felt so relieved to learn that there were books that would coach me through all of my uncertainty.

Society has conditioned us to fear what we don’t understand. That has made many of us shun death. However, I recently began to question the possibility of miracles happening during those final moments on Earth. You see, leaning into the process and giving ourselves permission to say goodbye is not only a blessing for the person dying but it also helps us begin the healing process. Pain is a teacher and if we approach death with an open mind it will eventually graduate into wisdom and gratitude.

Hospice focuses on palliative care. These are gentle measures that provide comfort for our loved ones who are preparing to pass away. Hospice respects all cultures and points of view. While it doesn’t subscribe to any specific religious affiliation, hospice recognizes that death is a spiritual process. Most organizations have a chaplain available to support the family as needed. To classify this group as a “Team of Angels” would not be an embellishment on my part, for they are serving families during one of the most important transitions in human life.

It really just took one call to hospice to set everything into motion. Within hours we had reconfigured our common living area into a full private room for Catherine. A medical bed and oxygen machine were delivered, and we obtained four large screens that allowed us to create a partition for privacy.

– Photo by Victoria Webb Photography

Of course, one of the most difficult things about bringing a loved one home on hospice is finding the space for your own self-care. It’s emotional at all times. To my surprise, hospice provided respite where a home health-care nurse would make regular visits for bathing and dressing. This allowed us to take breaks, go for walks or run errands. I was also grateful to receive regular phone calls from their wellness team to see how I was emotionally.

It was strange and beautiful how quickly everything came together and all the angels started arriving. Whether it was flowers or a meal train dinner from friends or the nurses who stopped in to help with blood draws, sponge baths, and her ever-changing medication schedule, everyone took on some angelic role in Catherine’s process. Our entire family was touched by the efficiency and the miracle of each kind gesture.

From the moment that Catherine was placed in hospice until five weeks later when she passed away, she was content with the decision to bring her home. Each day we came down the stairs and asked her how her morning was and she would answer, “Oh Honey … I’m so peaceful.” Now, that may be hard to imagine given her declining state, but there was something magical about her process. She dictated the tone of each day and we followed her graceful lead. She was intentional about sharing stories and passing out hugs and trinkets to everyone who visited. In more ways than I can describe, she taught our family that the dying process is just as extraordinary as the moment we enter.

When everyone leans into the experience there is a greater opportunity to witness miracles and achieve peace. Catherine called her quiet space, “The Grateful Room.” She said it was sacred because it allowed her loved ones the chance to say hello … and to say goodbye. Each night she would whisper, “What more could I possibly ask for? Look at all these angels who have shown up for me.”

With grace and ease she went to sleep on June 23 at 11:11 p.m. Another angel was called. As the 13th-century Persian poet Rumi said, “We are just walking each other home.”

Krista Gawronski is a spiritual author, speaker, and mind-body medicine practitioner.

Health & Beauty, Uncategorized EDITOR

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